One of my friends loves candles.

The other day we were talking about how to light up candles properly and how I was obsessed with avoiding candle tunnelling (aka avoiding that only a small portion of the wax melts, creating those little “steps” of wax around the wick).

“Go on, how do you avoid it?”, he asked.

And the moment I started to dive into the topic, I realised that…

I was struggling with finding the right words to describe the whole process.

First, I didn’t even know the term “candle tunneling”.

Second, I didn’t know the word for “wick” in English (btw, it’s “stoppino” in Italian if you wanna know).

Also, “do you say to put off a candle or put out a candle?”, I asked.

Anyway, despite all these doubts, I managed to get my point across (by asking lots of vocabulary related questions and some gestures .After all, I’m Italian, right? ).

Now, if this type of issue had happened years ago in a conversation, I would’ve panicked and I would’ve probably said, “I don’t know how to explain it, sorry.”, ending the conversation right there.

Then, I would’ve gone into a self loathing circle, thinking stuff like:

“My language skills are so bad!”

“I am not good enough at having a conversation.”

“My friend is probably bothered and frustrared by my lack of vocabulary.”

“He’ll think I am an ignorant.”

“I’m so embarrassed!”

But with time (and some work on myself) I’ve learned that those thoughts/beliefs were never true in the first place and they were just keeping me stuck.

Those thoughts are the exact reason why many folks who have been learning Italian for weeks (months or years, even) still can’t have a conversation — or have never tried!

And this breaks my heart a little. 

Because I totally understand that, as I was like that — and constantly missing out on so many opportunities to have a conversation!

When you think those thoughts and think they are true, a vicious circle starts:

You get nervous…

…Which makes you afraid of speaking…

…Which makes you think you are not good at speaking…

…Which leads you not to speak at all…

…Which keeps you stuck and doesn’t allow you to make you any progress in your learning.

And so what can you do to get unstuck?

Well, surely not cramming more vocabulary and grammar  in order to compesate for insecurity and fears (that’s what the old me would’ve done, btw! ).

What you need, instead, is to change your mindset about learning and…

Be ok with not knowing everything (actually, embrace the opportunity to learn more. I myself am still learning new words after almost 10 years living and working in a foreign country!!!)

Be ok with making mistakes (and celebrate them as opportunities to learn).

Ditch perfectionism (and aim for communication, not perfection)

This is something that I teach my Italian students at ALL levels (even beginners) because I don’t want them to make the same mistakes that I made and miss out on opportunities to enjoy using the language (regardless of their level), and enhance their learning through experience.

Yet, this midnset shift takes practice and self awareness and can’t be made out of the blue.

That’s why I’ve created a safe environment to start building this empowering mindset in my programme Confident Italian — which I’m in the process of updating and making it even more awesome. 

Because it’s not just about learning the language but how you can use that language to communicate –so that you can build connection and create all the amazing experiences you desire.

If you agree, drop me a candle emoji.

P.s. And if you’d like to learn more about Confident Italian and other programmes I offer to help you speak (not just learn) Italian, book a call with me right here and let’s see where you’re at with your Italian!